


In The Night

by sylvain



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Other, origins of nightmares/PTSD will not be specified in fic, reader has nightmares, safe sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22508359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylvain/pseuds/sylvain
Summary: As friends with benefits, you and Raphael struggle with feelings and words left unsaid.
Relationships: Raphael (TMNT)/Gender Neutral Reader, Raphael (TMNT)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	In The Night

The realization hits you and your heart jumps into your throat. You feel it in the way Raphael slides his hand up and down your body while you fuck. You can see it in the way he holds your gaze. He’s going to ask you to stay. 

It’s in the way his hands find your waist and pull you in. The way they hold you while he meets your hips thrust for thrust. He doesn’t want to let you go. 

You hear it in his moans. Your name, a whisper on his lips--it’s barely audible over the creak of the bed frame. He rocks you into the mattress. His jaw drops as he gasps. He pushes deeper, and breathes your name again. 

You accept the roll of his hips as he moves against you. Your breath hitches with the new angle--sex with Raph is always good; he knows how to make you feel good. But the sincerity in his eyes and the desperation in his grip… It lends too much weight to the thing between you--the relationship you’ve yet to define. 

He bites his lip as he leans down for a kiss and you know he’s going to ask you to stay the night. He grinds into you as his tongue parts your lips. And he moans into your mouth when you drag your nails down his arms. He moves faster and he lets his hands roam, but his forehead is firm against yours, his gaze won’t let up.

You cup his face, acknowledging the emotion there. This is the only time you truly acknowledge it. The only time it feels safe to let him know that you’re his. 

It’s only when he’s fully seated inside of you that it feels like your connection can be explained away by physical attraction, rather than words neither of you are ready to say.

As he hikes your thigh higher over his arm, his rhythm breaks. His thrusts are deeper than before. He moves faster, erratic. Raphael bows his head, burrowing his face into the crook of your neck. He breathes you in and pants your name; you moan his in response. He pushes and groans and he reaches his end with a shout. His arms tremble as he shakes apart. He remains inside long enough for you to feel each pulse of his pleasure and when he rolls off of you, he tries not to let you go.

“Let me,” he says, taking you by the hand, sliding his other up your thigh.

You turn back to him and kiss him deeply before backing off of the bed.

You know the request is coming, but it doesn’t ease the pain of denying him. Again. 

"Don't go." 

You let Raphael hook your fingertips with his for just a moment before you reach for your clothes. You allow yourself one final look at him lying back against the pillows, the bed so inviting--and terrifying. 

It’s getting late. You’re tired. You know what will happen if you stay. “Maybe next time,” you say as if you haven’t already said so a dozen times before, as if you really think he believes you. Part of what hurts so much, is that you think he does. 

You don’t tell him there’s a reason you don’t spend the night. You pull on your jeans and tug on your shirt as he discards the condom in the bin beside his bed. And you don’t tell him that you can’t meet his eyes because you’re afraid. Afraid of getting comfortable. Afraid to sleep.

Because you know you will--sleep. Listening to him ramble, feeling his fingers run through your hair and over your back, riding the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes... Feeling the soft beat of his heart under your cheek while you lie with him... You know you’ll sleep. And you’re afraid of what will happen when you do.

He’ll hold you. You know he will. Because he’s big and strong and he wants to protect you even while he’s disarmed. He wants to know you're safe--always. And there’s no better way for him to ensure your safety than to have his arms around you. 

You’ll toss and turn with your dreams. You’ll whimper incoherently as they get worse. And he’ll hold you tighter. Of course he will; all the rest did.

And that’s worse. To be immobilized. Awake or asleep, it’s the stuff of your nightmares. To be trapped with no one hearing you while you scream.

It’s not something you feel comfortable bringing up. How can you? How can you tell him, when he’s looking at you like this, that you’re scared to be held in his embrace? How can you tell him, when you’re scared he won’t listen?

“Check in after patrol?” You ask as Raphael sits up to watch you go.

He nods and you give him a final peck on the lips before heading out. You hope it’ll be enough to salvage his feelings. Because you know you can’t stay, no matter how soft his eyes, how deep his frown, how small his voice gets when he asks. 

“See you later,” you say, because that’s all the acknowledgement you give to the dangers of Raph’s nights. He’s supposed to say it back because he knows it’s your way of telling him to be safe out there. But he’s quiet. You can already hear his brothers moving in the tunnel. It’s later than you thought. You remind yourself, it’s time to go.

When you turn toward the door, Raph’s hand has somehow found its way into yours. He gives your fingers a light squeeze and you look. 

“Later,” he says, finally, and your heart beats wildly in your chest because this doesn’t sound like it means ‘stay safe’; it sounds a lot like something you and Raph aren't supposed to say.

“Yeah.” You swallow hard and give his hand a squeeze back. “I-”

There’s a muffled knock on the door and Leo’s voice interrupts the moment. “Let’s move out.” 

A part of you feels relieved. The other watches Raphael’s face fall and wishes you could read his thoughts. You press a kiss to his forehead and lift his mask from the bedpost. It’s soft in your hands, worn thin. It’s seen him through more nights than you can count. He’ll need to replace it soon. 

Nonetheless, you lay the bandana over his head. His eyes meet yours briefly when they find you through the mask, and your heart is so high in your throat that it feels like you can’t breathe. You wish he didn’t have to go--not yet. You smooth your hands over his head and secure the ties around back knowing that’s not something you can ask. Not after everything you’ve denied him. Not when his brothers are waiting. Still, you hesitate. Still, you kiss the kanji bleached into the fabric. Your lips can’t help but linger. And somehow that small act feels more intimate than anything you’ve done with him before.


End file.
